Hello, old friend.  It's been far too long between musings and rants...see you again soon!

I learned...it is easy to learn from an 18 month old. Watching Ryan enjoy his new found freedom and ability to communicate is priceless. He epitomizes living life in the present, living in the moment. He treats each and every experience the same...with eyes wide open and no filter. Somehow we lose this as adults. Life becomes practiced, expected, routine. We stop viewing life with the same unfiltered lens as an 18 month old. Time to put the filter aside and enjoy it raw...

On Tuesday, March 3rd we lost Jeffrey Ryan Lott.

I learned...life is unfair. There is no rhyme or reason, no right or wrong. Just life and it's inexplicable randomness. How does one explain a 34year old widow with a 3yr old and a 5yr old? The answer, you don't.

I learned...God is vague. I've always felt this way, for wrong or right. I believe there is some "unknown force" that binds us all, but I do not believe in God via the conventional definition. I do not believe in some Gandalf like figure, white haired and omnipresent that guides us through life and decides between life or death. Does God decide who wins footballs games? Does God decide the outcome of war? Does God decide who dies and who lives on a daily basis? If he did, people like Jeff Lott would not die randomly. How narcissistic of us. I'm sorry, but it's how I feel.

I learned...life is short. We forget this, day in and day out, week in and week out, year in and year out. It takes events like this to push the reset button and force us to remember that each moment, each experience, each memory could be our last. It's a nearly impossible task, given our day to day list of responsibilities, to live life as if each fleeting moment is the last. In reality, we are all lost boats on the sea of life. You can't plan, predict or map your way through life. The only thing you can do is enjoy the present and hope for the best.

I learned...old friends are priceless. We connected with Beth and Tom last weekend under unfortunate circumstances, but it was beautiful. Old friends are like a welcome fire on a cold, bitter night. You don't ask why or how, you just enjoy. Good friends help provide meaning. They provide laughter. They allow us to be simply...who we are.

I learned...my family is my life. They are my world, my existence, my fuel. Without them I am nothing. My heart aches for Courtney. She lost her husband, her best friend, her soul mate. How you do overcome that? I can't shake the feeling of seeing Courtney completely shelled shocked. It haunts me...every day since March 8th...it haunts me. She is in my dreams, she is in my daily thoughts, it haunts me. I don't have the stomach or the heart to put myself in her shoes, I couldn't do it.

So, this I pledge, to Jeff:

• I promise to live life to the fullest.
• I promise to follow the age old creed..."carpe diem" until the day I draw my last breath.
• I promise to become a better husband, a better father, a better brother, a better son, a better friend.
• I promise to live each moment in the here and now...the present.
• I promise to honor your kids and wife and whenever I see them I promise to tell them that you enjoyed life the right way.
• I promise to look for you in all that is beautiful in life.
• I promise to thank my family and friends everday.
• I promise to kiss my wife EVERY time I walk out the door.
• I promise to NEVER forget you or forget what you stand for.

RIP Jeffrey Ryan Lott